Judith’s Blog

My friend Rhonda commented on twitter “I’m not lazy, I just require alone time to gain inspiration. Once I’ve had time to just be, then I become internally motivated to just do.” I LOVE that! It seems absurd but today I feel reborn. Since immersing myself into parenthood every second of every minute for the last eight years, for the first time I am all alone in my house. It seems silly that such a small thing would have such a huge impact but I truly feel renewed. Both of my boys started school this week leaving me behind, a little scared, but also hopeful. After dropping them off at school this morning I spent several hours working in the vegetable garden before coming home. So what did I do on the first monumental day of QUIET? I stripped off all my cloths, got under the covers and slept for two hours. I love being a mother. Having a four year old with autism and a highly energetic seven year old makes life every so challenging and thrilling at the same time. But right now I have QUIET..I will gather inspiration and I will thrive creatively like never before. I will just be….

I am thrilled to have an encaustic painting featured on the cover of  the recently released Demeter Press book Captive Bodies by Mary Ruth Marotte. Demeter Press is the publishing division of the Association for Research on Mothering.   http://www.yorku.ca/arm/demeterpress.html

To order a copy of the book click here

My final show of the year 2008 has come and gone. All the excitement, anxiety and stress are over with, at least until the next show in early spring!  It’s been an interesting year in the art world. With the economy struggling, it’s been difficult for many artists to make a living. But it is also an exciting time. Change is in the air! Who knows what next year will bring? I am choosing to stay optimistic. Regardless of what will happen in this world I will never stop creating. It is part of me and always will be!

“There’s no retirement for an artist, it’s your way of living so there’s no end to it.”

Henry Moore

Originally posted on Motherverse Blog

I am apprehensive as I strap my two little boys into their car seats. I just want to get it over with as quickly as possible. My hands are sweaty and my stomach feels uneasy. What if I am caught? How will I explain my actions, not only to the authorities, but to the husband who had no idea what I am doing? “Ok,” I tell myself, “You can do this.  You are a strong independent woman.”

As I drive our ancient Volvo out of the drive way barely missing the mail box. I start to panic.

“Oh shit, what if I’m wrong? What if following my instinct is a mistake?  What if everyone else is right?” Struggling with my demons, we ride down the highway. I have been given specific instructions as to what time and where to meet. I do not know who I am meeting, what kind of car they will be driving. “How will I recognize them? What if I approach the wrong car? Double shit, I should have asked more questions.”

“Where are we going, Mama?” my five year old asks from the back seat.

“Out for a ride, my love.”  I respond cheerfully.

The Volvo’s oil lamp starts to flicker. “Not now!” I beg silently, “Please don’t let the car die on me”. It is at least 100 degrees out there and I am in no mood to see the AAA people again.

At last we drive into the parking lot of our local health food super market. I look at my watch, “Yep, we are right on time.” I park the car and wait. Five minutes pass, I start getting nervous again. I see several cars riding up and down seemingly looking for something. “Are they here for the same reason I am? How many of us are there?”  I have no idea. Okay, I am just being silly; they are probably just looking for parking.

Another five minutes pass. I see a van pull into the parking lot and park at the far end of the lot. No one gets out. I wait, still no one. “That must be them,” I tell myself. I pull out and slowly start driving towards the van, my heart pounding.

I envision myself as a bear mother, a mom on a mission. No matter what it takes, I am doing this for the welfare of my children, especially my youngest, who is Autistic.

“What are we doing!” whines the five year from the back seat. They are getting bored. The two year old starts fussing. “Damn it, this better be them.” I mutter under my breath.

As we pull up next to the van I notice that the windows are rolled down. I park the car and slowly start getting out. “This is it”, I tell myself. Just at that moment a man gets out

of the drivers seat throwing away a cigarette stub in the process. I stare; he gives me a startled look.  I can hear the five-year-old yelling, “Eweeeeeee, that man is smoking a cigarette. Doesn’t he know it’s bad for his teeth?”

Quickly I get back into the car. My little activist continues,   “He just threw the cigarette on the ground. Littering is bad for the earth!” he yells out the window.

As quick as I can, I pull out of the parking space and drive to the opposite end of the parking lot. “I am not doing this”, I decide, “We are going home.”

With a sigh of relief I drive towards the exit. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see them. I start to grin. I see two mamas in hippy skirts getting out of a beat up old mini-van. A half naked child climbs out of the back seat.

I roll down my window. “Hi, I’m Judith. I am on the list.” I say.

One of the mamas gives me a tired but happy smile. “We got it! Come around to the back and I will give it to you.”

I get out of my car and join them as they open the back of their mini van. I see that they have lined the back with large coolers. One of the coolers is opened and out comes what I have been anticipating for the past two weeks. They hand me my illegal gallon of raw cow milk and a half gallon of cream.  I am elated as I get back into the car.

“We did it boys!” I yell pulling out of the parking lot with my precious raw milk and cream safely sitting in the seat next to me. “We are going home!”

The selling and buying of grass fed raw cow milk is illegal in many States including North Carolina.

Originally posted my Motherverse Blog

I am working on a new group of photographs featuring mothers in the nude. I want to show the beauty of a female body that has given the gift of life. Society want us to hide our post-birth bodies yet I think they are beautiful….the marks left on our bodies tell the world, look what I have done, I am a goddess, I have given life!

I start by calling up some friends…hey, will you come over and pose nude so I can photograph your stretch marks? The reactions I got were mixed but last Saturday three friends and I met in my studio for a test shoot. (By studio I mean my living room, minus the couch that I had dragged into another room. Sheets pinned to the walls are my backdrops. Studio just sounds so much more glamorous!)

No one has money for child care so five children under the age of 6 are milling around the house. I explain to my friends what I would like them to do amidst, doling out snacks, nursing love bug and trying to figure out the settings on my new camera lens.  I am starting to sweat, it’s a hot one today and I only got three hours of sleep. I am tired and grumpy. One of the moms is delayed to I jump in as a substitute for the first few shots. Time to try out the time release shutter on the camera!

The logistics of any photo shoot with five young children in the house is a challenge to say the least. So many exposed breasts equal so many requests for nursies!  Hurray Mama is naked, those breast are mine!

There is snack time, potty time, snuggle time, fights, tantrums plus the occasional husband calling.

While trying to arrange the ladies as the Three Graces by Raphael screams of horror disrupt among the Graces. Why is there a man coming down your drive way? Sigh… It was my husband. I had not told him about the photo shoot since he never comes home early. But of course this was the day he decides to take off work early and surprise us. He is greeting at the door with a chorus of screams, a naked wife and several wild children tearing around the house. Without much fuss he disappeared into the upstairs bedroom but not without giving me one of his, what the hell are you doing, looks.

Despite the madness I still managed to get a few good shots. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it but then when I go look at the pictures and I find a few that manage to express what I was looking for my heart leaps!

Originally posted on Motherverse Blog

I have a placenta in my freezer. It is not mine. Wrapped in several plastic bags unmarked, amidst the frozen vegetables, waffles, and bags of basil pesto it sits. Last night I tell the husband.

“We have a placenta next to the vegi’s on the bottom shelf of our freezer. Don’t thaw it out or eat it. It belongs to Jennifer.”

The husband gives me one of his I can’t believe you just said that looks. I open my mouth to offer more information.

“I don’t want to hear it…just..shut up..I don’t want to talk about it!” the husband responds walking away in disgust. I wonder why he is so squeamish. Maybe if he spent every minute of his day taking care of two small children, two cats, a dog and a handful of fish his sense of humor would mirror mine more.

“Oh honey what I day I had today, the cat threw up twice (don’t step in it I have not had a chance to clean it up yet) Evan had a poop accident on the living room floor, Elliot stepped in the dog’s poop and smeared it all over the front porch. I had a nose bleed and the dog brought in something disgusting from the yard, we are not sure where she hid it though so you might want to take a look around before sitting down. Welcome home!”

Without a sense of humor being a mama would drive me mad!

Back to the placenta in my freezer: Jennifer is leaving for Norway today with her three kids and husband in tow.

I wanted to buy a special tree and plant the placenta under it in our yard but I never got around to it she comments as we are cleaning out her fridge and freezer. I am to take home the perishables including the placenta.

“I thought I had two placentas in here! What happened to the other placenta? Chris, what happened to Aidan’s placenta I can’t find it anywhere?” she yells to her husband in the other room.

“Beef stew?” I ask cheerfully.

“Lots of vitamins and minerals, aren’t you reading Nourishing Traditions? Should be right up your ally.” Jennifer response as we start cackling.

“But Jennifer, you are not organic.” We laugh as I throw the placenta into one of my bags. After several other highly inappropriate jokes about eating body parts, etc. we notice Chris standing at the kitchen door.

“You guys are so gross!” he comments.

True, but I think that tends to go along with sleep deprivation, being overworked and understaffed. You got to find humor in something!

“Jennifer, I love you! You go conquer the world but don’t forget to come back to us. I have your placenta in my freezer!”

Originally posted on the Motherverse Blog

I find it useful to image my life as one large ocean. It has become a coping strategy for me. Life, all its ups and downs, crazy twists and moments of immense joy, yet the next minute finding yourself in a deep dark place filled with strange creatures that have big teeth. Ok, so I have been watching the Blue Planet lately but I find the analogue fitting to my life as a mother and artist.

I dream that I am running, trying to catch up with my life. I never quite do but in a way it’s a beautiful thing, though it has taken me a while to realize this. My house is a mess, the cat just threw up, I have articles to write and orders to finish, the boys are yelling and I forgot to change my underwear again. Yup that’s me…in the ocean bobbing up and down. At first I struggle, trying with all my might to stay above water…but the more I struggle the harder it gets to stay afloat. So I let myself go, down into the deep parts of the ocean, my body limp and my mind focused. I look around and once my eyes have gotten used to the dark I discover all kinds of original thoughts and ideas, I learn things about myself and those around me that inspire me to be a better person.

Slowly I float back up to the surface to face the sunlight with new energy and creativity. I have let go of the daily struggle to be everything to everyone and just let myself be.

So in the circle of life I find that I need the ocean to teach me about who I am and what is important in my life. It is so easy to lose site of who you are in the midst of mothering so next time life seem to be running too fast just let yourself sink down to the still dark ocean floor to just be.

Originally posted on the Motherverse Blog

Once upon a time in a kingdom far away there lived a Young Knight who desperately wanted a magical wooden sword. He had a whole collection of swords made of plastic, foam and cardboard but alas, the magical wooden sword had eluded him.

It was during the winter months that his mother, the Wise Sorceress of the North, took the Young Knight along with his little brother Prince Love Bug to visit the Kingdom of the Nickelsons.

The Sorceress of the North and the Great Queen of the Nickelson Kingdom were good friends and had been on many adventures together. They had slain the mighty dragon on the highest mountain top and traveled to the farthest regions of the fairy world. Nowadays they enjoyed sitting by the fire and discussing family, life, magic and education.

The Great Queen had two children, the young and beautiful Princess of Light and the strong brave Knight Blue Eyes.

It was during their visit that the Young Knight saw for the first time the magic wooden sword of his dreams. Knight Blue Eyes had acquired it during a recent adventure in Deutschland while visiting an enchanted castle.

The Young Knight starred in wonder at the magical sword. It was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. In his heart he new that he wanted a magical wooden sword more then anything in the world! Knight Blue Eyes refused to let the Young Knight try out the sword for he knew that the magic of the wooden sword might turn evil in anyone else’s hands but the true owner. The Young Knight was heartbroken and his sobs could be heard for miles. The call of the magical wooden sword was so strong it consumed him. Day and night it was all he could think about. He knew that if he had a magical wooden sword of his own his life would never be the same.

Now, his mother the Great Sorceress took pity on him.

“My Son,” she said, “If a magical wooden sword is truly what your heart desires I think there may be a way for me to help you get one. Your father’s father the Great Magician is a woodmaster and might be able build one. But you must remember that with something as special as a magical wooden sword comes great responsibility! The magical wooden sword can do great damage if not used properly. You must promise to follow the sacred rules of sword play for as long as you live.

“Upon my honor mother, I promise.” Replied the Young Knight earnestly wiping the tears from his eyes.

So the Sorceress of the North took the Young Knight and Prince Love Bug to visit the Great Magician.

After many days of perilous travel they finally arrived at the castle of the Young Knight’s grandfather, the Great Magician. News had traveled fast and the Great Magician already knew about the Young Knights quest for a magical wooden sword. He informed the Young Knight that preparation for creating the most wonderful magical wooden sword was already on its way.

So the Young Knight and Prince Love Bug visiting with their grandmother the Queen Wanda while the Sorceress and the Magician worked in the Magician’s workshop of great wonders. First, they gathered wood from the rarest cherry trees in the kingdom. Then using the finest tools available, mixed with their magical powers, they began creating a magnificent magical wooden sword.

The Young Knight couldn’t wait and every few minutes would check on their progress. Queen Wanda gently admonished him to be patient but it took the spell of chocolate ice cream to take his mind off of the magical wooden sword.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity the Sorceress and the Magician emerged from the workshop of great wonders. Smoke billowed behind them at they stepped out into the open. Covered in sawdust and pieces of wood the magician held out the most beautiful magical wooden sword the Young Knight had ever seen. It glistened in the sunlight and the magician held it high for the world to see.

The Young Knight was awestruck as he approached his grandfather. His hand shook a little as he held the heavy sword for the first, timidly at first and they with such pride and joy all the people in the land rejoiced. They knew that the Young Knight would follow the sacred rules of sword play and use the magical wooden sword only for good.

To the surprise of everyone the sorceress and magician revealed that in addition to creating a magical wooden sword for the Young Knight they had also created smaller versions for Prince Love Bug and the Sorceress.

So on warm summer days if you are every visiting the Kingdom of the North you will see the Young Knight together with his mother the Great Sorceress and his younger brother Prince Love Bug dancing together with the fairies in the meadow with their magical wooden swords.

Originally posted on the Motherverse Blog

This is the season for art shows and runny noses. I usually do several art shows around the Holidays and just finished the Watts Hospital-Hillandale Art Walk here in Durham, NC. The show has left me tired, a bit out of sorts and a little raw. This was the best one day show that I have ever done and yet it leaves me feeling exposed and vulnerable. I know, I know, it makes no sense.

I spend weeks sometimes months getting ready for a art show, putting so much time, effort and energy into creating work that I become emotionally attached to but end up having to sell

I am feeling the post show blues! I love my work and I love giving it or selling it to people that I know will appreciate the work that went into it. I want people to know what my encaustic work means to me. I bear my soul, my deepest feelings, its all there out in the open for everyone to see. Maybe that is what bothers me about art shows, the knowledge that I am opening up my inner thoughts to the world.

“Here I am ..Look at me, naked, flawed, and trying so hard to find my role in this world, mother, wife, lover, artist, friend, daughter and sister.”

Every artist needs to learn how to deal with criticism. I do not deal well with it. It is a flaw that I can’t really afford as an artist.

“You don’t like my work that I have poured my heart into? Well screw you…no one says you have to buy it!” The immature part of my nature rears its ugly head.

Both boys and I have a nasty cold. The two year old is having a difficult time nursing. The five year old stays home from school. So the three of us have been holed up amidst the show displays, canvases and boxes that are waiting to be unpacked, we watch the Wiggles, read books and build castles.

I finally got a chance to read the latest Motherverse and Juno Magazine that had been waiting for me. Apparently I am not the only crazy mother out there that is trying to find a creative outlet! It’s a good feeling knowing you are not alone!

Here are a few of my favorite pieces from the show.

Yesterday I had one of those rare beautiful Goddess moments. One of those moment when all the stars are a lined perfectly, your house is clean, the kids are playing happily and you get this overwhelming feeling of invincible joy. Kind of like an orgasm, just not as messy.

My friend Carolyn and I were sitting in our vegetable garden amidst the tomatoes, basil, eggplant, bell peppers and what is left of the oh so poor bean plants. Her children and mine, in various states of undress, actually were being little angels, playing together in such peace and harmony I admit it was a bit unnerving. Ahhhhh the sun was setting while Carolyn and I shared a bottle of white wine discussing our plans for the fall garden. At that moment life was beautiful.

Being a mother for me often is overwhelming to say the least. I am chronically sleep deprived, anxious and so often second guessing myself when it comes to making important decisions. I work from home to make ends meet, take the two year old to an overwhelming amount of therapy sessions and try to be a fun mom and caring wife. I am exhausted!

I need more Goddess moments and I have a suspicion so do all of you mothers out there that are reading this blog right now. I suspect a great many of you are simultaneously nursing a child, eating a meal or snack so your blood sugar doesn’t drop too low, in the midst of laundry, dishes and wondering when the hell you will be able to take a shower without an audience. Am I right?

So how does one induce this state of the Goddess? I can only answer that for myself but hope that in doing so will inspire you to seek a moment or two of perfection in this tumultuous state of motherhood.

Judith’s top ten ways to create a Goddess moment.

Go to the store and buy the most expensive chocolate bar you can afford, then go to a dear friends house and share it with her while the children play together.

Work in the garden while singing your favorite Broadway tunes, pretending to be Olivia Newton-John.

Drink a glass of red wine and nibble on olives while fixing supper.

Instead of taking a shower, run threw the sprinklers with the kids. Bring out the soap and have the kids scrub your back.

When the kids fall asleep in the car, instead of going straight home, put on some soft music and go drive though some pretty landscape.

Before everyone gets up in the morning, make yourself a cup of tea/coffee and go sit outside in the hammock (just don’t forget to take the monitor!)

Watch the favorite parts of your favorite movies over and over again. (There is nothing wrong with eye candy!)

Have your partner massage your feet while you are going to sleep.

When the kids have gone to sleep, spend a moment just looking and touching their little fingers and toes.

In everything you do try and think of a creative way of doing it!

originally posted with Motherverse blog